Mass Effect 2

• Headbutting Krogans Is Badass
• Reapers Are Stupid
• The Geth Are Our Friends
• Headbutting Krogans Is Still Badass
• Drinks Are Free
• Being A Dick Is Always A Good Answer
• Every Shop Is Sheppard’s Favorite Shop On The Citadel
• Except The Shop That Hates Poor People
• Garrus Is Now Cool
• Quarians Are Pathetic And Should Lose To The Geth
• Sheppard Is The Only Man In The Universe Capable Of Doing Anything, Ever
• It’s Bad To Murder, Except For When It’s Mass Murder
• Joker Is Useless, For Anything
• Wrex Is Too Cool To Hang Out With Sheppard
• Jack Is Down To Fuck, But Hates Emotion
• Jack Has A Vagina And Wears Almost No Clothes, In Space
• Grunt Is A Crazy Fucker, As In Psycho Killer
• Mordin Is The Very Model Of A Scientist Salarian
• Is Fucking Amazing
• Has A Biotic Wind That Charges
• Lets You Give A Woman A Black Eye
• Mass Effect 3 Will Let You Shoot Her

Current Musings On What Makes A Real Gamer

• I Read A Post Over At Sexy VideogameLand
• It Made Me Think About Gamers
• That Is Where The Title Comes From
• Being A Gamer Isn’t About Your Gamerscore
• It’s Not About Your Trueskill
• It’s Not About How Many Games You Have Played
• It’s Not About How Many Games You Beat
• It’s Not About When You Started Playing
• It’s Not About Which Game Is Your Favorite
• It’s About WHY That Game IS Your Favorite
• It’s About Trying To Find Meaning In A Game
• It’s About Being Willing To See A Game For It’s Own Value
• It’s About Knowing The Fucking Story Behind The Games You Play
• It’s About Being Able To Ignore That Story Behind The Game And Play The Game For The Game
• It’s Ok To Have A Favorite Platform
• But It’s Never Okay To Refuse A Game Due To It’s Platform
• What You Get Out Of A Game Depends On What You Put Into The Game

Facts About Kanye West

• He Is Quite Happy For Others
• He Will Allow Others To Finish
• He Thinks I Have One Of The Best Blogs Of All Time
• He Can’t See Out Of His Sunglasses
• He Wishes You Would Stop Being Such A Robocop
• He Doesn’t Enjoy Gold Diggers
• He Likes Fish Sticks
• His Last CD Sucked
• He Is A Gay Fish

Life Lessons From Gurren Lagaan

• If At First You Do Not Succeed, Yell Loudly And Try Again
• Sunglasses Make You Badass
• If I Can’t Find Self Confidence, I Should Have Confidence In Someone Else, Who Will Have Confidence In Me
• If I Want Something Bad Enough, Reality Will Warp Itself Around My Willpower To Make It Happen
• Drills Are The Best Weapon
• Always Make Sure To Eat Properly
• Violence Is A Valid Solution
• Nothing Makes People Cheer Up Better Than Being Punched In The Face
• Love (And Giant Robots Powered With Love) Conquer All

Obama Facts I Learned From FOX NEWS

• His Birth Was Faked
• He Not Only Is He Not American
• He Is In Fact A Robot
• He Is Also A Nazi
• Because The Nazi’s Had Welfare
• Obama Once Listened to Rap
• Obama Smokes Weed Every Day
• Obama Is A Slacker
• He Is Racist
• He Thinks We Are All The Same
• He Works Too Hard
• He Is Going To Destroy The World
• The Mark Of The Beast Is On Him
• He Is Trying To Run The Country How HE Wants, Not How Bill O’Reily Wants
• Obama Hates White People, As He Married A Black Woman
• Obama Is An Oreo Because He Doesn’t Do Enough For Black People
• He Is Forcing Texas To Secede
• He Is A Muslim, Except Not Even He Knows It
• Obama Is Going To Destroy America

Things I Have Killed In Video Games (This Week)

• A Supreme Hunter
• Around 5,000 Soldiers
• 2,000 Civilians
• 10,000 Infected
• 10 Boars
• 30 Wolves
• 4 Ghosts
• Myself Twice
• That One Wall
• 120 Cars
• 70 Rats
• 12 Werewolves
• 100 Dark Temple Followers
• 6 Giant Spiders
• 1 Inn Keeper
• 12 Guards
• 43 Kobolds
• 7 Elves

Cool Things

• Robots
• Ninjas
• Rock
• Sharks
• Lasers

Reasons Why It Isn’t Working

• It’s Broken, Look At That Crack
• It’s You, Not Me
• It Needs Batteries
• It’s Me, Not You
• Plug It In First
• Out Of Gas
• It Needs A New Flux Capacitor
• It Needs A Patch
• The Last Patch Broke It
• It’s Missing A Wire
• You Broke It
• My Cat Broke It
• It Needs To Be Kicked
• It Got Kicked Too Hard

Things To Rock

• You, Like A Hurricane
• Around The Clock
• The Casbah
• Steady
• Dance Floor
• The World
• This Town
• Whatcha Got
• Until The Break Of Dawn
• The Party That Rocks The Party

Best April Fool’s Gags

• Car And Driver Fooled So Epic, It Had To Remove It From The Internet
• Blizzard Did Many A Thing Worthy Of Laughs
• Giantbomb Did A List Of Lists That I Put On A List
• Google Makes Things Easier
• Nine Inch Nails Release The Album Of The Forever
• Wizards Of The Coast Creates Most Balanced D&D Class EVER
• Everything Else Was Not Funny At All
• Humor Is Dead You Know
• But I Am Bringing Humor Back
• Like Justin Brought Sexy Back
• If You Think Humor Never Left Its Because I Brought It Back So Fast
• Don’t Doubt Me
• I Am A Turtle And You Are a Pigeon
• I Will See You Next Update
• Don’t Hold Your Breath For It
• You Will Be Long Dead Before Then
• My Only Reader At That Point Will Be Me
• My Ego Needs More Than Just My Own Attention
• Find Me Souls Of The Pure
• Sacrifice Them To Me
• I Will Give You Candy For Souls
• Good Candy Too
• I Will Let You Pick It At The Store
• As I Am The Best Around