In The Last Two Months I -

• Spent A Good Deal Of Money
• Made Less Than A Good Deal Of Money
• Played Many Videogames
• Made Some Great Friends
• Started Doing Better In Class
• Started To Become An Optimist
• Became Unsure About Enjoying My Work
• Started This Blog
• Saw Some Concerts
• Got Over A Crush
• Began To Enjoy Life More

Possible Reasons Why I Have Not Updated As Much As I Should

• Having Rough Sex With Your Mom
• Beating Every Game Ever
• Hunting Red October In The Ocean
• In Prison For Being A Menace To Society
• Filming The Story Of My Life
• Finding Out True Love Is Blind
• Thrown Into A Mental Institution
• All I Wanted Was A Fucking Pepsi
• Totally Fucking Forgot About It
• Researching Content
• Was Out Of Ideas
• Plugged The Internet Tubes With Porn
• Vacation On Mars
• Had To Deal With Some Big Trouble In Little China
• Training With Kung Fu Master
• Was Frozen In Carbonite By Boba Fett
• Was Stuck In The World Of Warcraft

How It Works

• I Write Things
• You Read Them
• You Laugh
• You Comment
• Or I Cut Your Nipples Off

Fuck You Starbucks

Starbucks goes (RED).

Join us for World AIDS Day. On Dec 1, buy any hand-crafted beverage and we’ll give 5¢ to the Global Fund to help save lives in Africa.

• Starbucks Overcharges
• This Won’t Make A Difference
• If Starbucks Wanted To Make A Fucking Difference, They Would Donate A Portion Every Day, Every Fucking Day
• It’s Just A Way For Lazy Fucks To Feel Like They Are Making A Fucking Difference Without Doing Anything
• Fucking Marketing Based On The Concept Of Charity
• The Cost To Produce Limited Edition Red Cups And Advertising For The Event Probably Cost Somewhere Over 1 Million Dollars
• If You Buy Into This, You Are A Fucking Tool.
• This Red Shit Is Based On Using Consumerism To Try And Make The World Better
• It Somehow Makes Me Sick That The Only Way That People Want To Heal The World Is By Purchasing Products
• Skip The Consumerism Give Direct

Fuck You George Lucas

• Your Scripts Are Crap
• You Suck At Directing
• Refrigerators Do Not Stop Nuclear Blasts
• The Clone Wars Is Shit
• Darth Vader Is Only Cool AS Darth Vader
• Han Shot First
• Ewoks Are Still Retarded
• Empire Strikes Back Is Still The Best One
• You Should Have Never Made The Prequels
• Lucasarts Was Better Before It Became Star Wars Only Games
• Quit Writing Scripts
• Quit Writing Plots
• Stay The Fuck Away From Cameras
• Become A Producer
• Your Career As An Artist Peaked Before I Was Conceived
• Tell Spielberg To Quit Shitting Out Movies As Well
• Kill Yourself
• Via Lightsaber
• Up Your Ass
• It Will Be Easier Than Blowing Up A Death Star
• Instead Of The Force, Use Anal Lube
• Quit Raping My Childhood
• In Your Suicide Note, Declare The Prequels To Be Non-Cannon
• By Doing That, I Will Not Dig Up Your Grave

What Happens After I Dig Up Your Grave

1. I Bring You Back To Life
2. I Tell You Why I Brought You Back
3. I Then Start Killing You Softly (With My Words)
4. My Words Being “Die Die Die” Carved Out Of Titanium Alloy, Sharpened For Optimal Slicing Of Recently Dead Flesh
5. I Pour Salt On Your Wounds
6. I Have Chimpanzees Use Your Stab Wounds As Substitutes For A Sperm Bank
7. I Pour More Salt On Your Wounds
8. You Scream, I Scream, No, Wait, Just You Scream And It Isn’t For Ice Cream
9. You Get Rickrolled
10. You Become Goatse Dude
11. I Get Bored Of You
12. I Kill You Dead
13. I Launch Your Corpse Into Space As A Warning To Aliens To Not Piss Me Off

Things I Want To Be When I Grow Up

• Matt Skiba
• Brock Sampson
• Astronaut
• Ninja
• Hard Boild Detective
• Rock Star
• Actor With Both Art Hous And Main Stream Appeal
• Robot Overlord
• Timelord
• Metabaron
• X-Man
• Firetruck
• Jedi
• A Regular On Best Week Ever
• Captin Kirk
• Loved
• Adored
• Worshiped
• Ruler Of The World
• Ruler Of The Solar System
• Ruler Of The Universe
• Master Of The Universe
• Member Of GI JOE
• Cobra Commander
• Transformer
• Level 70 Epic Tauren Shaman
• Dolphin
• That Guy
• Big In Germany
• Space Cowboy
• Right
• Still Alive
• Keeping It Real
• Gordon Freeman
• Warren Ellis
• Chicken Chaser

Things You Should Buy Me

• Awesome Hoodie
• Rock Band 2
• Hookers
• Blow

What I Don’t Write

• Sins
• Tragedies

Things That There Will Be

• Blood
• Pizza
• Good Times
• Anal Sex
• Robots
• Ladies
• Party Hats
• Free Booze
• Autograph Signing
• A 40% Chance Of Rain